Tammy Robacker

My first obsession,
planning a family
to fill up the home.
I positioned furniture
and moved around beds,
readying the nest.
I placed the mother figure
calm and productive
in a pre-arranged kitchen.
The father, always gone.
But I waited on him
to arrive for dinner.
Who would I be?
Who would I become
in that home?
I had no way to know
back then. Small girl
organizing bare rooms
in a dollhouse. I had no idea
I would be childless now.
My empty womb
the barren white tub
my pink plastic babies
slid right out from.

O thin
A dissolving
wall. Some house
pure nothing
et al. Dirty
proof imbues
the boundary
between carnal
guilt or human
Was mine
Or fringed
and floral
formed? Was it
Saturn ringed
or Martian pink?
Was it cursed
and lunar
Or was I ill
fated? Born
with one
already gone.

Tammy Robacker is a Hedgebrook writer-in-residence, and she graduated from the Rainier Writing Workshop MFA program in Creative Writing, Poetry at Pacific Lutheran University (2016). She won the 2015 Keystone Chapbook Prize for her manuscript, R. Her second poetry book, Villain Songs, is newly published by ELJ Editions in Winter 2017. Tammy published her first collection of poetry, The Vicissitudes, in 2009 (Pearle Publications) with a generous TAIP grant award for poetry. Tammy’s poetry has appeared in or is forthcoming in Alyss, Lumen, FRiGG, Tinderbox, Menacing Hedge, Chiron Review, Duende, So to Speak, Crab Creek Review, WomenArts, and many more. Tammy was born in Germany, raised in Pennsylvania, and currently lives in Oregon with her fiance. Visit the poet: tammyrobacker.com.